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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?